oh

hi guys..


lolol, who reads this still?

Uhhhhhhhh

C'est la vie, as they say L.O.V.E eloquently, see dream has a part two
Never same, you got to keep it tight, all fresh just like back then, now hear me out...
Understand the time has finally come to realize the great power of 1,
All formulas equalize under the Sun, Amen!

So, why the fuck did girls stop talking to me? LOL, this blows. But I guess it is what it is. I just miss that female companionship =D
You know that feeling, when you stay the night at someone's house and you just feel like, "bleh i just wanna go home now" in the morning? Or after you go somewhere, and you don't feel like doing anything except for going home? I get that feeling a lot. But I rarely go home, I always go to Mitchell's. And it feels like home, I feel satisfied when I go there, as satisfied as I would be if I went home. A pretty good feeling, having a second home and all. I can go there whenever I want without notice, and for any reason. Life's pretty good, just gotta get mah hands on an ipod... and a woman. =D

Real Talk

I don't know how to explain life, right now. I hate writing here, because I make myself look like shit. But I don't mind, judge if you'd like. My drinking lately, has taken me to the past. It now takes me four 40oz's to get drunk, that's 20 beers... My smoking is excessive, but it's what makes me feel good. Going back to North is good for me, really good. My friends are great. I need to make a list of what I have learned this year, it may have been my most important year yet. I can keep this life goin, I've been fortunate for majority of it. I haven't seen you in a long time, but I saw you at the fair. It's weird, because I never thought I'd think of you like this, but I sort of like you. You're cute, and realllly nice. I don't see anything happening, or you even liking me. But it's alright, as long as we talk :) I'm sorry to everyone who saw me at the fair, fucking trashed out of my mind, not that I did anything bad, or that I regret it, I was just probably annoying as FUCK. Stoned and hammered, it was nuts. I'm especially sorry to you, I said I would hang out with you that night, but I didn't. If I wasn't so drunk, I would have made sure to hang out. We've only hung out a few times this summer, and it's my fault. The sophomores this year are douchebags, if you walk up to me at a party, you better not try and drink my fucking 40. FOR REALS, haha. I still can't phathom the fact that you are buying cases of 40oz's at 16, without an ID. This summer has by far been amazing, getting drunk with alll the girls and friends, being stoned every single day, and just living shit up. I hope I don't get deeper again, I've been pretty fucked up lately. But I'll let it be, it's life, I live once. Lightin up now, latessss.

Shadow Of A Man

I'm proud of you for doing what you want, choosing who you want, and feeling how you want. You put all of your blame on me, but I'll take it all, no matter the size or depth. I want to help you out, even though he doesn't approve. He thinks I like you, and that you like me, but if that happens, it'll happen. Nothing should have to stop it, but I certainly won't encourage it. Be free, you deserve it.

comment this

if you read my blogs and shit


neeega

hoooooooly shit!

insomnia insomnia insomnia insomnia insomnia TAKE OVER.


i'm glad i've been skipping school recently to sit here at home sleeping.. because i can't sleep at night.

but as long as i'm passing all my classes, i'm fine :D


i love when fucking nooobs on wow try and make fun of other people "dude r u the mental capasitie of a retard?" GRAMMAR&SPELLING PLEASE ASSHOLE.

grasscity.com

Hey,

Give that description to the people who know me best, Mitchell and Cole. You're wrong. You didn't know me when I was with any other girl. I agree, what you saw of me, was all fake. You never knew the real me, don't even try and say you did. As much as you want to say you have me figured out, it's not true. But think what you want, really.

typin on and on...

Fresher than tony rebels vestibules at saturday market festivals. My incredible baby was, plentiful. Over the years I met a few, none of them compared to you. Preparin you to make food bearable, somethin terrible, lets see. You fruitful, beautiful, smart, lovable, huggable. Doable like art, suitable to be part. Of my life, coppertone, oh you copyright infringement. Pay you bidness ten cents, way back in the day. Its like I'm standin there you know appreciatin gods design. And then you showed up, its like you read my mind. Damn shes fine, I think I add the r-e, in front of that. And see if she d, to get, with a kid like me.



You inspire me, i desire thee, chance to see you again. Just wanna show you, I'm becoming a man. I remember these words, "andrew, don't ever forget this, I love you so much." Now, I'd give anything to hear such. Tryin to make it through the day, no possible way. I miss you more and more, farther away our chances get of talkin again. I just don't wanna sin, high off weed and lots of gin. I take time, to think about you, dime. Just remember baby, when I told you, you the shit. I really meant it, and that's it. That's all there is to us, you were perfect, our lives weren't hectic. This is the real world baby, it aint no fairy tale. But I guess, it's been awhile since we had a chance to rail.



To make it simple for you let's call 'em the bosses. They take money while the people take losses. To work for free. And we still barely get paid enough to eat. That's what I told you, I be saying in my vocals. That's why the woman got the gun on the logo. The star is the future, that we gonna create. Where nobody steal money from the things we make. The revolution takes time and space. But you as a woman gotta know you're place. That's in the front baby. I'm being blunt baby. If the get mad say it's they time of the month baby. Your face is just like the sun when it raises. Thank you for adding beauty to my phrases. Handshakes are promises. Lies can spoil it
Words should be bond and seal. You're not around and I just have to deal.

Blabbin'

Who do you reminisce about?
I remember it like a dream, it was all clean lean accesories. She always asked me to pay her fees.
I always told you if you ever went off in a daze, I promise we won't go our separate ways. This is just how I reminisce. Sometimes, I wish that I could kick it with you. More now, than ever. I wonder, do you take time to reminisce? No lie, really how could I forget you? Sometime, I wanna kick it with you, more now, than ever. Do you ever reminisce? You stand tall, I told you I'd give you all. You know, everything I had, it was global. Baby, how were you so humble? Now, you don't know what I'd give, to show you how I've started to live. I'm far and beyond, I think we can recreate that bond. I refuse to catch another case, where it's me and you, and you can't look me in the face. Let's elevate, yeah I remember what they use to say, let's create a stronger bond, and never break. I wonder, do you take time to reminisce? I'll start takin it day by day, but baby i really miss the way, that you held me, if only you could see, how much you mean to me, now, and forever.


I love you.

Our true selves

Wow I love Mitchell and Cole, the best friends I've ever had, and ever will have. The more I hang out with them, the more I'm getting back to not giving a shit about what people think, and just being my complete self all of the time. I don't care anymore, if people don't like me for being who I really am, then suck it. I'm a natural born hardass. I'm so stoked for this summer. Goodnight ladies and gents.

Jennifer!

Get the hell outta here. You should know better than to get into that shit, especially after watching what happened to Keegan and I last year. I'll always remember what Keegan said,
"Illegal business runs America. Without it, we wouldn't have an economy."
And that's when I realized, he's right! Illegal business DOES run America.
"The economy is the realized social system of production, exchange, distribution, and consumption of goods and services of a country or other area."
Whether it's illegal, underground, or mainstream, the economy needs everyone, and everything. Drugs, money, and food run the world. Without all of it, this world wouldn't function. Drugs keep money flowing, money keeps food flowing, food keeps people alive. I'm sure not very many people will agree with me, because of their grudge against drugs. But I reality hit me. Oh and I realized girls are nothin' but trouble. So I'm going to focus on school from now on, because no relationship, EVER, is worth losing friendships of any sort.

Talk about lies

I don' t wanna hear any of it anymore. And I could care less what happens between us, whether we talk or not. Fuck it, right?

One destructive path

My life so far, has been quite a ride. I've destroyed everything I come across, especially my social life. I've went through friends faster than I can say I have no real friends. I was outrageous last year, with my drinking, and my smoking. How many school sesh's do I need to have before I realize that drugs don't get you through school? I couldn't wait for that lunch sesh every morning that I woke up. I was stoked for that night, to get really drunk. I was so ready to stay up all night and get an hour of sleep before school. The way I treated girls last year, was unacceptable. I think about it, and I want to talk to each one of my ex's and apologize for how I treated them. I was a pretty verbally abusive boyfriend last year, mostly caused by the things I did. I was a liar, a cheater, and an asshole. I played girls all of freshmen year, acting like another girl didn't even exist. Looking back at my old messages made me think about a lot. Almost everyone knew what I did last year, but no one knew how much I suffered. They figured I controlled my drinking, and only him, her, and my cousin knew the truth. Let's start off with you dude, you knew everything. No guy was ever close to me, throughout my whole life. You were an enabler, but you understood. You drank, smoked, and partied with me but always kept me safe. I don't think you'll ever know how thankful I am. No one will ever really realize how much I cared about you. You saved my life dude. Sometimes I would outgrow drinking, or at least I thought I did. But somehow, a couple nights later I would be taking vikoden and chuggin' beers. You were my bestfriend, and I miss you. On to you, girl, you did a lot for me. We were off and on all year, but you were always there for me. For some reason, I was so hesitant to say how I felt to you. You never judged me, and tried helping me with my problem, but I was just so nervous around you. You picked me up every night I would fall in the bushes, or the middle of the street, or the river. The first time I said I love you to you, I was wasted. You didn't care though, you said it back. And it felt good because I didn't rush into saying it. We were already together for a couple months. Anyway, the point is, I told you everything and you saved me last year also. You were the only girl I could talk to you about my problem. When your dad died, I know it hit you pretty hard. It really seemed like I didn't care because I never stopped anything like you asked. Whenever you'd talk about him, I'd be busy saying "Hang on, lemme crush this bowl." I'm sorry for that. Keegan, you corrupted me, and I love you more than you know. I need you to come home, help me again. I can't raise myself, you know how dad is. I know my life was rough last year, and you know that too, but I'm sure nothing compares to what you're dealing with right now. I miss you calling me, and telling me what went on in the day. You send letters to aunt cindy, because she's your mom. But send something to me, I get all of my information from her. And you know how much she moves around. It's just hard without you, I've gone through a lot. I feel like when you come back, if you come back, that it'll almost be like we will have to meet each other again. You've been gone for about 3 years now. You came back last year, because you knew it was gonna be hard, with what was going on at home. I want to thank you, you truly will never know what you've done in my life. You are my only hero, that will ever be in my life. You've had ten times the amount of problems I've had, and you didn't have anyone. Just come back that's all I ask. I love you. I'm gonna try going through the stage I went through last year. When I got out of it, things started going perfect. This time, I won't have Keegan. I won't have anyone, and that's what I want. I need to fall on my own, I don't want people picking me up. I'm gonna hit rock bottom, and get myself up. Thanks to everyone who is going to try though.

When We Were Kids

Today, I experienced a really weird feeling. Almost like a feeling, that came from the past. Now normally, feelings like that for me are bad. But today it was good, and really made me think. Maybe it's the sun, or the weather in general, maybe it's how the people I was with were acting. I don't know, but I liked it. I realized how cultured our society really is. I was on the bus, sitting across from an African woman, speaking Swahili to her daughter, in front of me was a mexican, behind me were two Italian guys, talking to each other, in Italian. I really hope this summer, is like last summer. The good part of last summer that is, so everything except for the drinking and smoking. The sun is bringing out so many GOOD memories, and I love that feeling. New friends bring new memories. I still wish I had my old friends though, but maybe there's a reason they're gone.

Old Memories

I went through a lot this weekend. If it wasn't for Michael, Avieta, and Bryant. I would really probably either be dead right now, in jail, or in the hospital. It reminded me so much, of what I use to go through, and everything that happened to me. I took my aderall that morning, and took 3 tylennol a half an hour before. I got so out of control, and the amount I drank, was fucking retarded. I could have died on my aderall alone. But I took painkillers, what the fuck dude? What's my problem? I used to do that all the time, sure, but now I have no reason to. I blacked out, having my friends, and the closest one to me, worry about whether I would wake up or not. They did so much for me that night, and in general. They carried me out of the bushes, off the ground, out of the car, and out of the shower. I mean, if someone fucking picks you up, and puts you in the shower when you have puke all over yourself, I'm pretty sure they care about you, more than anyone ever will. I fucked up that night, and I don't wanna go back to how it used to be. To where it was a normal routine, to get drunk and take pills, and pass out not knowing if I'd still live. I'm ridiculous, and I can't do that anymore. I'm sorry, for putting you guys through that.

Another day

today was hell, and tomorrow will be too.

It's not much but it's something

I have very very few friends, but the ones I have, I appreciate more than anything. They understand when I'm going through hard times, when I'm struggling with something, when I need to be somewhere, or when I can't hang out. Today, was a pretty hard day. Especially walking around, realizing how many people don't talk to me anymore. I've blown them off, and I didn't make a good impression. People really dislike me now, and dread talking to me. Today, it was weird when I was in the car. Because I know Sully is a little kid, but he's known A LOT about me, because how close I've been to his family. And today, when he said "You should go to sheldon, then you and avieta could always see each other. Wouldn't you be happy?" And then I realized, I don't update people on my life anymore. I'm anti-social, and that's the fucking root of my problems. No one knows what's going on with me anymore, or how I'm doing, or what I'm struggling with. When I was walking around school today, no one said hi, when I tried talking to people I used to talk to, they told me to go find some friends. Is there something wrong with my attitude? It was clearly visible I wasn't in a good mood, at all. I was sitting on the bench, and Sean got up, and said "Let's go on a walk." He was the only one to really talk to me today, and he could tell something was wrong. I talked to him, as we walked around the school, and I told him what was wrong. For someone, that was just an accquiantance, he helped more than most of my "friends" did. I never actually, felt the way I did today. I felt like something was ending, or gone. I felt terrible. I really wish people would understand.

So nice

I’m in love with the way that you smile and
the way that you look in my eyes, it’s so nice.
I’m in love with the things that we do when
we go out it feels right, it so nice.
I’m in love with the way that we chat all
night, get along and have no fights, it’s so nice.
Who says relationships can’t work out
I swear man that’s not right.
I’m in love with the way that you talk,
I’m in love with the way that you walk its so nice.
I’m in love with the perfume that you wear.
I swear that no one can say that’s not nice.
I’m in love with the way that you
say I love you all the time. I swear that so nice.
I’m in love with the way that your
all mine and I’m in love with the way your so right.

I'm in love with the way you sing along to this song
everytime you hear it coming on.
i'm in love, i'm in love.
I'm in love with the way that you can relate
to this song everytime you hear it coming on.
And i'm in love with the way that you come
to my shows and show your support its so nice.
I'm in love with the things that you do and
i'm in love with the way that you dont have a clue look.
I'm in love with you.
It's true stories man, look
I'm in love with the way you tell your friends
that you love me all the time. It's so nice.
I'm in love with the way that you sleep and
I'm in love with the way you speak. It's so nice.
I'm in love with the way that we've come
so far in a relationship. It's so nice.
And who says that relationships can't last years.
I swear that's not right.

I'm in love with the way you sing along to the
song everytime you hear it coming on.
I'm in love, I'm in love.
I'm in Love with the way that we make Love.
And I'm in love with the way that you lady like and
don't say dumb words like bruv.
It's so nice everything's perfect.
And I'm in love with the way that your worth it.
And i'm in love with way you turfed them,
them dumb boys them hungry guys.
I dont care coz theyre not worth it.
I'm in love with the way that I'm your man and
I'm in love with the way that you respect my fans.
I'm in love with the way that we can still
walk down the street and hold hands.
I'm in love with you heart and soul
I'm in love with the way your beautiful.
I'm in love with these lyrics they're meaningful.
I'm in love with you.
It's true stories.
I'm in love with the way you sing along to the song when
it comes on and u hear it coming on. I'm in love, I'm in love.
Swear down that's all I've got to say yeah but that should be enough yeah.

:)

Best I ever had

Really, I don't fucking get it. How can I have everything, and sometimes, have the shittiest nights of my life. Help me understand it because I'm obviously lost. I find myself losing my train of thought constantly, because of something that reminds me of you. The times I'm not with you, it always feels like something is missing. Two nights ago, you kind of neglected me, and wouldn't really talk to me. Is there something wrong, when I honestly cannot get mad at you? No matter what happens I stay the same. I guess I'll always love you, no matter what you do. Three nights ago, I don't think you realize how shitty I felt. You were there for me though, and I can't thank you enough honey. That was the first time I've drank in about 5 months, and the things that were going through my head were killing me. But then again, you've seen sides of me no one in my family has even seen.

ich hasse Lügner

ich, wirklich Hass Sie Eichelhäher bumsend, nehmen Sie mich nie ernst, und Sie sagen, dass jeder über mich Scheiß erzählt. seien Sie nicht mein Freund mehr Arschloch JEMALS.
Aufenthalt aus meinem Leben.


oh and according to my writing teacher, I have exceptional cursive :D

Something to do with my hands

You know it kills me to see such a pretty girl so tired
You've got your mother's cheekbones and your father's crooked smile
Forget all those places that you've never really been
And all those situations you somehow found yourself in
Let your body sink into me
Like your favorite memory
Like a line of poetry
Or a fucking fit of honesty
I'll do my best to keep you, keep you sleepy as the south
With my old watch on your wrist
And my thumbs inside your mouth
Suck on my fingertips until you kill all my prints
So your boyfriend has no clue
Of how much I've been touching you

My problem with me is my problem with you
It doesn't take much
For me to come unglued
I put my headphones on
And hear your favorite songs
And it kills me to know
That this won't be one of them

You know it saves me to think even for a little while
I owned the set of shoulders that you came to rely on
Like in that movie theater when you whispered in my ear
I almost didn't make it
This has been my hardest year
Your job is killing you faster than a cancer could
So now you're giving up like they always said you would
You've got that old map out now and you found the farthest town
You hope that if you're lucky this is where you'll settle down

I don't care where you move I don't care if it's far
All that I ask is that I know where you are
In case our timing is right
In case you need more from me
Than a bit of advice
Or a tongue full of sympathy

Vrooooom

It seems that I'm so appreciated now. Maybe it's because I am. I'm so glad my friends actually appreciate me now. I had a talk with my dad, and he told me that if I really want to do online school, that I have to pay for it. The only way I can get my job though, is if he puts his credit card online. It's sort of complicated, anyways, he said, "We don't have enough money for online school, right now."
So, I said, "Get me the job, and I'll pay for my school. If that's what will get me through High School, then I'll get a job, and pay my own way."
"If that's what you want, then be your own man."
"No dad, it's not what I want, it's what I need to do. I'm going to be a man, and be responsible for once. I owe it to myself."
"Alright, I'll help you with your job, as long as you pay for school."
So basically, I'm paying my way through school, and paying for everything else I need. It feels good actually.
I've been getting closer to my friends, and it's really nice. Really, waiting was no big deal, neither was the whole night. It was an adventure, and you're a really good friend, we had every reason to stay, help, and get through it, with you. Ugh, your hot car, is still hot.
pwning irl..
lolz!

I'm always reminded of you

You'll never read this, but if you do, I hope you realize I'm talking about you. You and I used to drink every night, but no matter what happened, you were there for me. A good friend, going to lunch every day, talking. I love you, dude. That real down to earth love you have for your friends, when they were there for you, and no one else was. I drive by your house daily, and sometimes, I wonder if things will ever be the same. I don't drink anymore, and I know you're proud of me. I feel like just messaging you on myspace some days, to see if you wanna talk. You're always busy, which I can't stand. One day, I'll never forget, is going to the McKenzie River, and jumping out of the raft with you, and floating through the rapids. No one else wanted to do it with us, and I felt safe doing it with you. None of that may seem like much to you, but it meant a lot to me. Another night, I'll never forget, is driving through the farm, when we were drunk. Tearing up the crops, flipping the car, and getting chased by the farmer. I almost jumped out of the car that night, and I would have killed myself. But you kept driving and held onto me, and told me not to jump out. You've endangered my life, but saved it, so many times. I miss you, I won't stop thinking about you when I drive by your house. My friends can't stand it, because when I do drive by, I start thinking about everything, and stop talking. I become dead silent, alone in my own thoughts.

I'm being consumed

Okay, for one, the very first thing I have to say is fuck you. I hope you're never my friend again. Both of you. You are the most heartless person I know. Don't tell me to stay out of your business when the person you hurt, brought me into it. I'm not that bad of a friend, to watch that happen to someone, and shrug it off. You made her cry, you're nothing but a fucking player. I really hope your "girlfriend" realizes that. She's an ugly bitch anyways, looks like an alien. And YOU, of all fucking people, to call me a dick? I can't even explain the way I feel. To other people, I'm overreacting, to me, I'm showing how I really feel. Don't ever feed me the bullshit you used to feed me, asshole. "I would never do that to you, I don't flirt with her", as much as I try and say I didn't care, wow that pissed me off. Liar liar liar, fuck you. I think after me venting, I'll be able to act normal again. I'm sorry to you, for acting different tonight. You're always there for me, I love you. Heh, it's funny that you never read these, but in every single one, I talk about you. I find myself thinking about you, no matter what happens. I love the fact you're mine. I love everything about you. I don't like writing stuff that makes me feel vulnerable, because I'm nervous about how you'll respond. I kind of switched subjects, but I got all of my venting out, I feel better. 4:30, on the phone with you, doing this every night feels so good. I don't want to let go, ever. There are some things, that I'll always remember you saying, I don't think I'll ever forget them. The littlest things you say, stick out in my mind. It's probably time for me to sleep, since you are :D

New Year

I didn't do much for New Years, I stayed at Avieta's house. But, I'm glad I didn't do anything illegal, like I have the past two New Years. I enjoyed it, because I was with the person I wanted to be with, not with a bunch of alcoholics and stoners that I could honestly care less about. I'm done drinking, done smoking weed. I finally realized what I need, and it's family and friends. Alcohol doesn't make me happy, and I know I probably sound like an alcoholic but it's the truth.

Finally, someone who can simply make me happy, and I don't need anyone else. That kind of contradicts what I said about needing family and friends, but it's sort of a different need. Like when you love your friends, you also love a special someone, but a different type of love.

It's weird how certain songs make me think so much, i love you.
I know that you probably wont read this, but I'll say it anyway.

You make me happy, and whenever I see you cry, or hear you cry, it makes me sad because it shouldn't be happening to you. People that do that to you aren't good friends, and you don't deserve that, ever. You make me realize alot of things when you talk about everything, and I really like the fact you can come to me, and that you trust me as much as you do. I'm pretty sure you tell me things you don't tell anyone. I love falling asleep next to you every night. I remember awhile ago, I said something cheesy to you about how nice it would be to wake up to your face every morning. Look what happened... hahaha. It's perfect, you're perfect.