When We Were Kids

Today, I experienced a really weird feeling. Almost like a feeling, that came from the past. Now normally, feelings like that for me are bad. But today it was good, and really made me think. Maybe it's the sun, or the weather in general, maybe it's how the people I was with were acting. I don't know, but I liked it. I realized how cultured our society really is. I was on the bus, sitting across from an African woman, speaking Swahili to her daughter, in front of me was a mexican, behind me were two Italian guys, talking to each other, in Italian. I really hope this summer, is like last summer. The good part of last summer that is, so everything except for the drinking and smoking. The sun is bringing out so many GOOD memories, and I love that feeling. New friends bring new memories. I still wish I had my old friends though, but maybe there's a reason they're gone.

Old Memories

I went through a lot this weekend. If it wasn't for Michael, Avieta, and Bryant. I would really probably either be dead right now, in jail, or in the hospital. It reminded me so much, of what I use to go through, and everything that happened to me. I took my aderall that morning, and took 3 tylennol a half an hour before. I got so out of control, and the amount I drank, was fucking retarded. I could have died on my aderall alone. But I took painkillers, what the fuck dude? What's my problem? I used to do that all the time, sure, but now I have no reason to. I blacked out, having my friends, and the closest one to me, worry about whether I would wake up or not. They did so much for me that night, and in general. They carried me out of the bushes, off the ground, out of the car, and out of the shower. I mean, if someone fucking picks you up, and puts you in the shower when you have puke all over yourself, I'm pretty sure they care about you, more than anyone ever will. I fucked up that night, and I don't wanna go back to how it used to be. To where it was a normal routine, to get drunk and take pills, and pass out not knowing if I'd still live. I'm ridiculous, and I can't do that anymore. I'm sorry, for putting you guys through that.

Another day

today was hell, and tomorrow will be too.

It's not much but it's something

I have very very few friends, but the ones I have, I appreciate more than anything. They understand when I'm going through hard times, when I'm struggling with something, when I need to be somewhere, or when I can't hang out. Today, was a pretty hard day. Especially walking around, realizing how many people don't talk to me anymore. I've blown them off, and I didn't make a good impression. People really dislike me now, and dread talking to me. Today, it was weird when I was in the car. Because I know Sully is a little kid, but he's known A LOT about me, because how close I've been to his family. And today, when he said "You should go to sheldon, then you and avieta could always see each other. Wouldn't you be happy?" And then I realized, I don't update people on my life anymore. I'm anti-social, and that's the fucking root of my problems. No one knows what's going on with me anymore, or how I'm doing, or what I'm struggling with. When I was walking around school today, no one said hi, when I tried talking to people I used to talk to, they told me to go find some friends. Is there something wrong with my attitude? It was clearly visible I wasn't in a good mood, at all. I was sitting on the bench, and Sean got up, and said "Let's go on a walk." He was the only one to really talk to me today, and he could tell something was wrong. I talked to him, as we walked around the school, and I told him what was wrong. For someone, that was just an accquiantance, he helped more than most of my "friends" did. I never actually, felt the way I did today. I felt like something was ending, or gone. I felt terrible. I really wish people would understand.

So nice

I’m in love with the way that you smile and
the way that you look in my eyes, it’s so nice.
I’m in love with the things that we do when
we go out it feels right, it so nice.
I’m in love with the way that we chat all
night, get along and have no fights, it’s so nice.
Who says relationships can’t work out
I swear man that’s not right.
I’m in love with the way that you talk,
I’m in love with the way that you walk its so nice.
I’m in love with the perfume that you wear.
I swear that no one can say that’s not nice.
I’m in love with the way that you
say I love you all the time. I swear that so nice.
I’m in love with the way that your
all mine and I’m in love with the way your so right.

I'm in love with the way you sing along to this song
everytime you hear it coming on.
i'm in love, i'm in love.
I'm in love with the way that you can relate
to this song everytime you hear it coming on.
And i'm in love with the way that you come
to my shows and show your support its so nice.
I'm in love with the things that you do and
i'm in love with the way that you dont have a clue look.
I'm in love with you.
It's true stories man, look
I'm in love with the way you tell your friends
that you love me all the time. It's so nice.
I'm in love with the way that you sleep and
I'm in love with the way you speak. It's so nice.
I'm in love with the way that we've come
so far in a relationship. It's so nice.
And who says that relationships can't last years.
I swear that's not right.

I'm in love with the way you sing along to the
song everytime you hear it coming on.
I'm in love, I'm in love.
I'm in Love with the way that we make Love.
And I'm in love with the way that you lady like and
don't say dumb words like bruv.
It's so nice everything's perfect.
And I'm in love with the way that your worth it.
And i'm in love with way you turfed them,
them dumb boys them hungry guys.
I dont care coz theyre not worth it.
I'm in love with the way that I'm your man and
I'm in love with the way that you respect my fans.
I'm in love with the way that we can still
walk down the street and hold hands.
I'm in love with you heart and soul
I'm in love with the way your beautiful.
I'm in love with these lyrics they're meaningful.
I'm in love with you.
It's true stories.
I'm in love with the way you sing along to the song when
it comes on and u hear it coming on. I'm in love, I'm in love.
Swear down that's all I've got to say yeah but that should be enough yeah.

:)

Best I ever had

Really, I don't fucking get it. How can I have everything, and sometimes, have the shittiest nights of my life. Help me understand it because I'm obviously lost. I find myself losing my train of thought constantly, because of something that reminds me of you. The times I'm not with you, it always feels like something is missing. Two nights ago, you kind of neglected me, and wouldn't really talk to me. Is there something wrong, when I honestly cannot get mad at you? No matter what happens I stay the same. I guess I'll always love you, no matter what you do. Three nights ago, I don't think you realize how shitty I felt. You were there for me though, and I can't thank you enough honey. That was the first time I've drank in about 5 months, and the things that were going through my head were killing me. But then again, you've seen sides of me no one in my family has even seen.