ich hasse Lügner

ich, wirklich Hass Sie Eichelhäher bumsend, nehmen Sie mich nie ernst, und Sie sagen, dass jeder über mich Scheiß erzählt. seien Sie nicht mein Freund mehr Arschloch JEMALS.
Aufenthalt aus meinem Leben.


oh and according to my writing teacher, I have exceptional cursive :D

Something to do with my hands

You know it kills me to see such a pretty girl so tired
You've got your mother's cheekbones and your father's crooked smile
Forget all those places that you've never really been
And all those situations you somehow found yourself in
Let your body sink into me
Like your favorite memory
Like a line of poetry
Or a fucking fit of honesty
I'll do my best to keep you, keep you sleepy as the south
With my old watch on your wrist
And my thumbs inside your mouth
Suck on my fingertips until you kill all my prints
So your boyfriend has no clue
Of how much I've been touching you

My problem with me is my problem with you
It doesn't take much
For me to come unglued
I put my headphones on
And hear your favorite songs
And it kills me to know
That this won't be one of them

You know it saves me to think even for a little while
I owned the set of shoulders that you came to rely on
Like in that movie theater when you whispered in my ear
I almost didn't make it
This has been my hardest year
Your job is killing you faster than a cancer could
So now you're giving up like they always said you would
You've got that old map out now and you found the farthest town
You hope that if you're lucky this is where you'll settle down

I don't care where you move I don't care if it's far
All that I ask is that I know where you are
In case our timing is right
In case you need more from me
Than a bit of advice
Or a tongue full of sympathy

Vrooooom

It seems that I'm so appreciated now. Maybe it's because I am. I'm so glad my friends actually appreciate me now. I had a talk with my dad, and he told me that if I really want to do online school, that I have to pay for it. The only way I can get my job though, is if he puts his credit card online. It's sort of complicated, anyways, he said, "We don't have enough money for online school, right now."
So, I said, "Get me the job, and I'll pay for my school. If that's what will get me through High School, then I'll get a job, and pay my own way."
"If that's what you want, then be your own man."
"No dad, it's not what I want, it's what I need to do. I'm going to be a man, and be responsible for once. I owe it to myself."
"Alright, I'll help you with your job, as long as you pay for school."
So basically, I'm paying my way through school, and paying for everything else I need. It feels good actually.
I've been getting closer to my friends, and it's really nice. Really, waiting was no big deal, neither was the whole night. It was an adventure, and you're a really good friend, we had every reason to stay, help, and get through it, with you. Ugh, your hot car, is still hot.
pwning irl..
lolz!

I'm always reminded of you

You'll never read this, but if you do, I hope you realize I'm talking about you. You and I used to drink every night, but no matter what happened, you were there for me. A good friend, going to lunch every day, talking. I love you, dude. That real down to earth love you have for your friends, when they were there for you, and no one else was. I drive by your house daily, and sometimes, I wonder if things will ever be the same. I don't drink anymore, and I know you're proud of me. I feel like just messaging you on myspace some days, to see if you wanna talk. You're always busy, which I can't stand. One day, I'll never forget, is going to the McKenzie River, and jumping out of the raft with you, and floating through the rapids. No one else wanted to do it with us, and I felt safe doing it with you. None of that may seem like much to you, but it meant a lot to me. Another night, I'll never forget, is driving through the farm, when we were drunk. Tearing up the crops, flipping the car, and getting chased by the farmer. I almost jumped out of the car that night, and I would have killed myself. But you kept driving and held onto me, and told me not to jump out. You've endangered my life, but saved it, so many times. I miss you, I won't stop thinking about you when I drive by your house. My friends can't stand it, because when I do drive by, I start thinking about everything, and stop talking. I become dead silent, alone in my own thoughts.

I'm being consumed

Okay, for one, the very first thing I have to say is fuck you. I hope you're never my friend again. Both of you. You are the most heartless person I know. Don't tell me to stay out of your business when the person you hurt, brought me into it. I'm not that bad of a friend, to watch that happen to someone, and shrug it off. You made her cry, you're nothing but a fucking player. I really hope your "girlfriend" realizes that. She's an ugly bitch anyways, looks like an alien. And YOU, of all fucking people, to call me a dick? I can't even explain the way I feel. To other people, I'm overreacting, to me, I'm showing how I really feel. Don't ever feed me the bullshit you used to feed me, asshole. "I would never do that to you, I don't flirt with her", as much as I try and say I didn't care, wow that pissed me off. Liar liar liar, fuck you. I think after me venting, I'll be able to act normal again. I'm sorry to you, for acting different tonight. You're always there for me, I love you. Heh, it's funny that you never read these, but in every single one, I talk about you. I find myself thinking about you, no matter what happens. I love the fact you're mine. I love everything about you. I don't like writing stuff that makes me feel vulnerable, because I'm nervous about how you'll respond. I kind of switched subjects, but I got all of my venting out, I feel better. 4:30, on the phone with you, doing this every night feels so good. I don't want to let go, ever. There are some things, that I'll always remember you saying, I don't think I'll ever forget them. The littlest things you say, stick out in my mind. It's probably time for me to sleep, since you are :D

New Year

I didn't do much for New Years, I stayed at Avieta's house. But, I'm glad I didn't do anything illegal, like I have the past two New Years. I enjoyed it, because I was with the person I wanted to be with, not with a bunch of alcoholics and stoners that I could honestly care less about. I'm done drinking, done smoking weed. I finally realized what I need, and it's family and friends. Alcohol doesn't make me happy, and I know I probably sound like an alcoholic but it's the truth.

Finally, someone who can simply make me happy, and I don't need anyone else. That kind of contradicts what I said about needing family and friends, but it's sort of a different need. Like when you love your friends, you also love a special someone, but a different type of love.

It's weird how certain songs make me think so much, i love you.
I know that you probably wont read this, but I'll say it anyway.

You make me happy, and whenever I see you cry, or hear you cry, it makes me sad because it shouldn't be happening to you. People that do that to you aren't good friends, and you don't deserve that, ever. You make me realize alot of things when you talk about everything, and I really like the fact you can come to me, and that you trust me as much as you do. I'm pretty sure you tell me things you don't tell anyone. I love falling asleep next to you every night. I remember awhile ago, I said something cheesy to you about how nice it would be to wake up to your face every morning. Look what happened... hahaha. It's perfect, you're perfect.

I can't take it

I'm sitting here, it's 3 in the morning, and I just got done having one of the most serious conversations I've ever had in my life with Taylor.
I wish I could just put it here and show how much it took for me to say what I said to her.
Avieta got off the phone earlier and I think that's why I can't sleep.
Shoooooot. Somebody save me!